I went up for prayer at church for “food” issues. I had eaten mindlessly the night before. I had asked the Lord for forgiveness and felt cleansed at communion, but how to stop these mindless times and be a mindful eater?
The prayer was for the behavior to be disconnected from me. I could see a connection in my mind’s eye like a cord going from my head to my stomach and saw it disconnected- like a plug pulled from a socket. (I was reminded of the imagery of being ‘plugged in’ to the power of the Holy Spirit.)
Then the Lord began speaking about the word, disconnect. I felt ‘disconnected’. Disconnected from the flow of the Spirit. Disconnected from what was happening in the Kingdom. As I deal with parents, kids and husband and as I hear them disparaging what I believe in, I feel the pull to disconnect me from God to remain connected to them, like it is an either/or situation.
I had things to do with my husband and things to catch up on from my time with my parents. I watched and listened to friends who attended Jesus Awakening and the Response and I wanted to be there, not dealing with family and things to do. I felt disconnected from what God was doing last week-end in His kingdom.
I prayed for my friends and the events, I joined in streaming for the few moments I could, but I could not be a part of the intensity and focus.
So I mindlessly ate. Cookie after cookie. As over eating goes, it was not the devastation it sounds like. The cookies were
“healthy” and I didn’t finish the whole small box, but it was the idea that I couldn’t even record how much I ate because I didn’t know.
So the prayer time served “double-duty” in that it dealt with what needed to be done and spoke to why I did what I did. I was reminded of the passage in Romans 7- I know what to do but I don’t do it. I want to do what is right yet I do the opposite. Oh what a messed up person I am! (my paraphrase)
Yet the hope in the passage- Jesus can free me! He has the answers I need! He can change me, work in me and bring about His will! Praise be to God! Glory be unto Him who is faithful, who is with me always and who will finish the work begun in me!
“So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.
I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another powers within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT)