Unworthiness has resided inside me. Probably because of how I react to criticism and not meeting mine and other’s expectations. Failure to meet expectations, whether my own or those that others have of me, makes me feel unworthy of love. This is what was revealed to me yesterday.
I went for prayer ministry to Rich and Kay. I’m trying to deal with my relationship with food and why I have eaten more than my body required for so many years, resulting in obesity. My relationship with food is complicated. As I prepare for Lap-Band surgery, I am forced to look inside myself and try to understand this relationship. Unworthiness seems to be at least one of the reasons why I may treat food so mindlessly.
So during prayer time after worship, Kay prayed for me. Her prayer had to do with receiving God’s love for me, to KNOW I am beloved. She asked me to think and “see” myself in my mother’s womb. She “saw” the finger of God involved in the formation of my very being. He made me who I am. He made sure that I was formed to have all that He planned for me. I saw Him signing His Name in the base cell of my body. Someplace deep inside me is a place where He signed His Name! Yahweh signed His creation, me!
My first reaction: I knew that the signature is still there! That means He isn’t ashamed of me, to call me His. He signed His artwork with His signature and it remains in me today.
Deep in me, in a God-shaped hole, Yahweh signed His Name. I am His workmanship.
Then Kay prayed for me, and I “felt” something align or straighten. The word I heard was “the the crooked ways will be made straight”. During communion, I felt the elements travel the straight line to where Yahweh’s Name is in me. His love now flows directly to my inner being. There are no kinks or blockages anymore. He loves me. I am His Beloved! He signed His Name! Hallelujah!